What's a girl to do - Final Part

I was met at the airport by my father. He filled me in on all the village gossip he pretends not to listen to. Mom greeted me at the door with open arms covered in oven gloves. She quickly ran back to the kitchen to check on the feast she had prepared for my return. She repeated all of Dad’s news until I’m finally allowed to bail out and hit my old bed.

My room hadn’t changed a bit. I lay there looking up at the Boyzone poster wondering where it all went wrong. And why on earth Mom hadn’t taken it down yet! I kept my phone off, enjoying the silence and quickly drifted off to sleep.

The next morning I woke to the sound of family and friends gathering downstairs in preparation for the wedding. Samantha and David, like most couples from my village, have been together since school. So I’m prepared for a day of couples and pitiful glances.

“Ah here she is now, the lone ranger!” my Uncle Jack proclaims, before I descended the last step of stairs.

I rolled my eyes in secret and plastered on my best Joker smile.

“Hello all!!” I beam entering the spacious living room.

“Oh it’s Mrs London, how’s the Queen?” my Aunt sniggered.

I smile cringingly in response to the same joke heard on every visit.

“As always, she sends her regards Aunt Maeve!”

“Oh now Josephine, don’t I have the perfect man for you today!” she sings.

My body fights the burning shoulder slump and lets her carry on. In the past, it always took them a couple of days at least before “the set up” but clearly, I was getting on a bit and they weren’t wasting any more time.

She described my dream man, who she stated was a total catch after only two divorces and three kids by different mothers. Mum dished up breakfast and I was quickly invisible again. It wasn’t that my family didn’t like me exactly, but each of their offspring was either beautiful or talented at something.

I excelled at nothing according to them. I didn’t have a car, a house or a boyfriend! And little did they know now I didn’t have a job either!

“Right all, it’s time to get the glam rags on!” my mother announced.

They all scurried off grabbing coats and handbags discussing times and churches as I helped Mum clear up in the kitchen.

“Listen love, what’s going on?” Mum asked knowingly, abandoning her hungry dishwasher.

I could be false with a lot of people but she always saw right through me.

“I’m fine Mum, work has just been, am, difficult lately but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

She continued with the dishes and assured me everything will work out fine. I wished it were all that simple.

My dress was a little less formal this time allowing me to breath. Utilising the tips from the other night I decided to curl my hair but stick with more natural make-up. I wouldn’t want my Grandmother having a stroke at the sight of lady humps and rouge!

Sitting in the church between my parents I looked around at all the happy couples whose weddings I also attended and thought maybe some people are just meant to be alone. Maybe I should just give in and buy a snarly cat.

I lost count of how many sympathetic head tilts I received that day. By 5pm I desperately needed a drink to wash away the sense of being alone and unclean in people’s eyes. The reception took a while to get into party mode, and thanks to Aunt Maeve’s stalker programme, I had spent most of the evening in the bathroom hiding from Brian - the born again Christian. I was accompanied in the stall with a small bottle of Prosecco. Finishing the bottle, I scuttled out to the lobby and decided to turn on my phone.

>>Message<<

From Caz.

“You know we love you, please let me know how you are. And what happened?? Oh and don’t be mad!”

What the hell was she going on about? Whatever it was I wasn’t dealing with it now. I decided to text Jaden, the coat check guy. We got along really well, despite the circumstances, and a date with him might be better than settling for a cat.

Just as I sent the text message I spotted Brian handing a Jesus leaflet to the bemused receptionist. I crawled off the sofa and scampered back into the big hall. Rihanna was screeching about how she had found love in a hopeless place - which was being lip synced by my mother on dance floor. I spotted my sister’s table and sat down.

It was full of her smug female friends whose ring fingers shimmered with cushion cut diamonds while the men propped up the bar behind.

“Oh, hi Jo, where’s your date?” Leanne sniggered, as she pretended to look all around me. She even looked under the table. My sister shot her a warning glance but she was too pissed to notice.

“Now you know we’re only joking, I’m sure you’re having a great time over there in London! I mean, I was never really single for very long but I’m sure it’s eh, very exciting” she mumbled into her glass. Then she spotted someone much more interesting to talk to.  “Oh Aoife, come sit over here with us, how are the twins?” 

All the girls carried on discussing wedding cakes and baby showers while I downed another glass of table wine. I decided not to let these bitches get me down and could hear Will in my head

“These cows need to get laid sideways!”

The thought of which made me giggle to myself which caught the attention of Niamh - queen bee of my sister’s cult. She was seated next to me all along but was in deep conversation with one of her followers until now.

She looked me up and down before shooting me a sickly-sweet smile.

“Here alone Jo?” she asked aloud, causing everyone at the table to look in my direction.

I didn’t have an answer for her. I was mortified by now. I was tired of all this. I just wanted to go home.

“No she’s not.”

The answer came from above me.

The women’s smiles were quickly replaced with open jaws and I glanced around to see why.

There he was.

Standing behind me dressed in tailored black, brown eyes smouldering and hair perfectly obedient. He never looked so gorgeous – EVER! And I was never, ever so happy to see him.

“Blaze! What? How? Why?”

I couldn’t find any other words. My verbal diahorrea in his presence was back.

“Dance with me?”

He squinted his eyes a little as if pleading. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. No woman could. He gently picked up my hand sending a chill through me and led me out onto the dance floor among all my family.

What the hell is he doing here??? Have I hit my head and blacked out on the bathroom floor???

                                                                                                                                                     

The familiar notes of Michael Buble – Crazy Love, began to swim over our heads and I could feel everyone’s eyes boring into us.

He stared down into my eyes before pulling me close to him. My arm wrapped around his broad back and my head rested on his intoxicating chest. We started to sway. I wanted to ask him so many questions but nothing was worth breaking this moment. I didn’t want to even open my eyes in case I DID wake up on the bathroom floor. Mid-way through the song he pulled away from me a little and whispered in my ear.

“I’m so sorry about the other night, please forgive me?”

I looked up at him and smiled, just managing to shake my head because actual words would have been incomprehensible right now.  He stopped swaying and placed a finger under my chin, tilting my head up towards him. Time seemed to slow down and even Michael was now backing vocals to my heartbeat.

His lips touched mine for just a second before looking at me as if asking permission to continue, my eyes must have screamed “JESUS YES!” Because he simply smiled and launched in for a full attack, kissing me with passion, more passion than one should execute in front of an entire family, but I didn’t give a shit! Even Jackie Collins would have been so proud!

I had to grasp for breath when he pulled away but my Uncle brought us straight back to Irish reality

“Well done kid!” he nudged Blaze, while dancing past us with a stunned Aunt Maeve.

Blaze smiled widely down at me.

“Do you want to go somewhere and talk?”

“No!”

The response caught him off guard. Here we go again with my inability to explain myself in his company.

“What I mean is, I want to go somewhere and do more of this!” I responded seriously.

He laughed, took my hand and led me out to the lobby. But not before I had a chance to glance back at Leanne who was just staring at me while all the others huddled together pointing at us.

It turned out that Diane forced her way into his house the night of the Ball, and demanded he take her along. She didn’t stay for the meal but just wanted to have her photo taken with Blaze in the hope her 70 year old millionaire boyfriend would feel threatened enough to propose. Sure enough, once he saw their smiling faces in the society pages, it worked. She is now on a yacht somewhere in the Caribbean, I believe.

I still didn’t understand why he went along with it and why he didn’t warn me.

But he thought I would already be inside the great hall, which he would have entered without Diane. There he would have explained everything to me but he never got the chance. He searched for me everywhere, all night, and realised he was missing a digit from my phone number. Remembering he still had Caz’s number, from when she worked with him, he decided to call her and explain everything. All the while I was holed up in the coat check room with Jaden and Jack Daniels.

“But you still haven’t told me why you went along with it? This woman was a total bitch to you!”

He took my hand and looked away.

“I owed it to her. I know she cheated on me Jo but she isn’t completely to blame. I pushed her into it. What you said the other night was bang on. Part of me wanted to impress my parents and I thought by marring a socialite and disowning my feelings, everything else would fall into place. But it didn’t work. My Father told me that none of that mattered more than my own happiness.”

He looked back at me and squeezed my hand.

“Diane always knew I was in love with someone else. And, she knew she could never compete with you.”

“Shut the front door! She was jealous of me? You were in love with ME?”

“Yeah” he smiled

“You are the only one who makes me feel like myself. You humble me and make me laugh. I need you Jo, I love you.”

So, it may have been a long journey but I finally got to see the tattoo in full! And Christ was I happy I shaved my legs.

The End

What's a girl to do - Part 3

Full red lips. Blue cat eyes. Perky cleavage. Beautiful relaxed curls. I couldn’t stop staring at this girl.

BANG! BANG!

“Jo? Will you come out of the bathroom? It’s almost time!”

They deserved a medal. Finding my waist took almost an hour, but there it was! It was curved under a black corset - which sat neatly upon a shimmering floor-length skirt. The heels were going to be an issue though. I had plans to stuff my small Converse sneakers into the bottom of Caroline’s Alexander McQueen bag before Blaze arrived.

“JO!”

“You can do this!” I whispered reassuringly to myself and unlocked the door.

Three paused faces greeted me in the hallway.

“Well?” asked Amy.

She held the GHD for any last minute hair emergencies – ready to straighten at a moment’s notice.

A smile crept along my lips and they all took that as a sign to exhale.

Will handed me a glass of champagne and took position next to me at the kitchen table as Make-up Lifeguard. I wasn’t allowed to touch my face for the entire evening.

“I don’t care if a slice of beef flies across the air and lands on your cheek leave it there!” he warned. 

“Jesus Will, this isn’t one of YOUR parties! There will be no meat tossing tonight!” I giggled.

Amy and Caroline looked on like anxious parents waiting for my prom date to arrive. Blaze was due in five minutes and I tried to calm the butterflies in my tummy - whilst posing for Facebook pictures.

Bzzzz. The intercom hummed.

We all gasped and looked at each for a few seconds before running off in different directions. I headed to my room and secretly grabbed my battered runners while Caroline answered the intercom. I carefully put on my four inch heels as if they really were made of glass and threw on my mini jacket, bolero, thingy. I was ready.

I grabbed my keys off the hook and threw them in my bag.

“The driver said to go on down” Caroline squealed.

Amy and Will were hanging off the balcony trying to get a view of the car.

“Have a great time and remember! You’re way out of his league!”

I entered the elevator and checked myself one final time in the mirror. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen tonight and that’s what excited me most.

Walking along the corridor I spotted a suited figure leaning against the black town car. My heart skipped a beat until I realised it was only the driver. Blaze must be inside.

“Evening Miss” he greeted, while opening the door.

I nodded in return as all my energy was going into walking upright and not falling head first into the car. Once the door was opened I peeked inside, but he wasn’t there. I turned back to the driver longing for a positive explanation, maybe we were picking him up on the way.

“Mr Stone sends his regrets and will meet you at the venue Miss”

My shoulders visibly fell in disappointment.

“Oh right grand, em, thanks” I responded, swallowing my heart.

Sitting in the car alone I took out my phone to text Caz but hesitated. I was a little let down but didn’t want them to feel the same. And it was all so embarrassing, why did I think he would actually consider this an important moment? As soon as that thought entered my head I quickly pushed it out again. I was determined to stay positive! My hair was done, my nails were painted and although I was unable to expand my lungs, I have a waist!

Maybe there was a last minute crisis of some sort and he would be there waiting for me when we pull up.

The journey only took fifteen minutes. I could see the flashing bulbs of photographers up ahead which brought the butterflies swarming back. Once we stopped, I squinted through the black tinted glass in search of him. But he was nowhere to be seen and it was the driver’s hand that opened my door. I swung out, remembering the ‘Britney guide’ taught by Will, and smoothed my skirt pretending to act nonchalant.

I thanked the driver and looked up at the museum steps with absolute dread. Doing this with Blaze was terrifying but doing this without him was so much worse. These heels were not made for steps or walking. It made me wonder if celebrities have people that just pick them up and carry them once they reach the end of the red carpet. I finally reached the top step and ignoring the Rocky theme tune in my head, I released my skirt and entered through the enormous open doors.

The building was breath-taking. All the glistening chandeliers ignited the gold filigree hidden in the walls and reflected on the marble floor - resulting in a sea of stars beneath my feet.  I fought the need to strain my neck up to take it all in and continued to walk on. Blaze was nowhere to be seen. The photographers ignored me as did the snotty waitresses with complimentary flutes of champagne. Bitches. I strolled over to hand in my jacket.

“Nice, innit?”

The coat check boy obviously caught my scent and knew I belonged more on that side of the counter with him.

I shrugged and smiled, delighting in any attention

“It’s alright.”

What was he looking at? I kept turning around expecting to see some Amanda look-a-like behind me. He took my coat and sauntered back over to me with full boyish charm to lean in close over his counter.

“You’ve never looked more beautiful darlin'”

I stared back at him, a touch confused.

“Em, have we ever met?”

“No. But even so, I know you’ve never looked more beautiful, because it wouldn’t be possible!” 

He winked one blue eye at me.

I snorted at the cheesiness of it and also revelled in my first pick up line ever.

“If you get bored, I’ll be ‘ere all night. Yeah?”

I smiled a little more confident and took my ticket from his tight grip. I walked off in search of the bathroom hoping no one just saw the mini stumble I made.

“Fecking shoes” I mumbled.

I sat at one of the dressing tables and took out my phone. Three messages from Will – no doubt eager for an update. I scrolled down in search of something from Blaze. Nothing at all. No missed calls and no messages.  I sighed, checked my make-up and held on to that tiny spec of hope deep within, as I left the bathroom.

Then I heard it. That nauseating high pitched fake laugh radiated through me. I knew what I was going to see before I turned towards the entrance. There she was arm in arm with Blaze, playfully teasing the photographers and smiling up at him. His ex-wife - Diane.

I was so mortified I didn’t know what to do.

I turned to head back into the bathroom but a sudden queue had formed, so there was only one other option. I was bailing out. I made my way through the crowds quickly before he saw me.

“Christ that was quick, couldn’t stay away eh?”

Cheesy blue eyes greeted me in shock. I let out a sigh, burst past him at the counter and into the coat-room. I stood at the back behind some questionable furs and watched them from a distance. They looked the picture of happiness, the poster couple. She was kissing cheeks and he was shaking hands as if this was their home and they were the hosts. He seemed a little distracted looking around and at one point I thought he saw me. I jumped back to avoid his gaze and caught my hair in some hangers.

“I’m not gonna ask what the hell is going on, but at least let me free you?”

He approached like a lion tamer without his whip. He wrapped his arms around my neck to unhook my curls from the vicious hanger and I could smell his overpowering aftershave.

“I'm Jaden.”

He smirked at me, still a little too close for comfort.

“It’s Jo. And eh, thanks for that.”

I cleared my throat and stood up straight.

“DING”

The service bell startled us both and I stayed hidden amongst lines of expensive coats. Jaden attended to the customer at the counter.

I couldn’t believe I was hiding back here with the staff, all because he didn’t have the decency to cancel on me! How could he do this? That sealed it. I am just his P.A. and should start living in the real world.  Girls like me don’t end up with the gorgeous rich boys. We end up with coat check guys with cheap pickup lines.

“This may be a long shot but have you taken a coat from an Irish girl this evening? Young, brunette, brown eyes, very pretty?”

Oh my God! It was Blaze! He was looking for me? Like he gives a crap, he probably wants to tell me that my seat has been taken by Diane and to make my own way home. Bastard. Wait though! Did he just call me pretty??

“No sir. But if I do, would you like to be informed?” 

Jaden responded, in a new posh accent.

Then I heard the devil speak.

“Blaze darling, come along!” Diane ordered.

I could smell her stinking perfume even from the bowels of the coat-room. There was an announcement requesting guests to enter the dining hall and with that Jaden closed the shutters. I slid down the wall and just sat there - defeated.

My phone started to vibrate, I could see Caroline’s face smiling back at me and couldn’t face telling her that I was sitting on the floor in a dusty corner of the coat-room, fighting back a sob.  Let them think I’m dining with the big shots and clinking glasses with my dream man.

Suddenly an old friend appeared in front of me. Mr Jack Daniels.

“Can I tempt you?” Jaden asked, squatting in front of me.

I snatched the bottle from his hand and took a swig, smearing the top blood red, from my lipstick.

“Christ I love the Irish!” he sniggered getting comfy beside me.

We sat there for about an hour swapping dating stories and laughing at my miserable life. He threw a few compliments my way but they were wasted. Right now I felt so low a semi-naked Channing Tatum couldn’t even cheer me up. Not that I wouldn’t let him try of course! 

But tonight tasted even sourer with the thought of getting the flight home to my sleepy village tomorrow evening, for my cousin’s wedding. I was supposed to be returning home with a real story this time. The tale of Prince Charming taking me to the ball. Oh well, I guess I can conjure up some fabulous false life on the plane.

After a lot of whiskey I pulled on my Converse sneakers and launched myself up.

“Well Jaden, despite your desperate efforts to climb into my knickers, I think you are a true gent and I wish you luck with, em, what’s-her-face”

He got up to hand me my heels and fetched my tiny stupid jacket.

“Jo, it was a pleasure and I hope that pretty prat knows what he’s missing!”

We hugged goodbye and I snuck out through the lobby while the great hall was in full swing. The cold air made me tipsier so I sat down on the top step until I felt a little better. There was a refreshing breeze lifting my curls and dancing around my shoulders where the jacket had slipped down.

“Jo?”

I turned around to see an angelic figure standing above me. The lights behind him were so blinding I couldn’t see his face until he moved in front of me.

“Oh, it’s you!” I snapped, surprised at my own tone.

Blaze stood a few steps down from me, his face concerned and eyeing my tatty Converse.

“How long have you been here?”

“You know what Blaze?”

I began to speak, full of false confidence.

“I always thought you were different. When I first read about you I thought, pah, just another rich kid trying to prove a point to mummy and daddy! But then I met you and realised you had something noble about you. You were decent and kind and the more time I spent with you, the more I looked up to you.”

He stayed silent, slipping his hands into the pockets of his neatly pressed pants.

“But then you went and got married to that dumb money-grabbing eejit!”

He said nothing in response. He just stared at me like a chastised child. He glanced downward and brushed the soles of his shiny shoes off the hard concrete. At this point I remembered he was my boss and tried to shut up - but Mr Daniels thought otherwise.

“And then you saw her for what she really was, and you stood up for yourself! I was so proud of you!”

I pointed an index finger in his general direction. He smiled a little and dropped his head.

“But tonight!” 

I trailed off, looking out past him. I was getting a little over dramatic at this point.

“Tonight you proved that I AM the eejit!”

I pointed haphazardly back in my own direction.

“Because I believed you were different all this time. I actually thought this was a date!”

I threw my arms up in the air and laughed out loud at my own stupidity. He looked up at me with an unreadable expression. And I leaned in a little close

“And I think, deep down you knew that. Never mind what the reality is, I know I’m not your style. I know you’d never slum it with some chubby Irish girl or ever love me back! But you didn’t need to hurt me like this! I don’t deserve it and I’ve had enough shitheads in my life, believe me! But never has anyone made me feel as insignificant as you did, here, tonight!”

His mouth fell open in what I’d like to imagine was regret. But I had said so much, and at this point I didn’t even care. All I wanted to do was go home and cry into my pillow. Oh and maybe devour a kebab on the way.

I lifted myself up, took a second to balance and headed down the steps passed him.

“You’d better run back into her before she shags one of the waiters. Again! Oh and Blaze? I quit!”

He didn’t say anything as I yelled the last part.

The next morning I woke up on the couch with a silver kebab wrapper stuck to my dress. Amy stood in front of me with a glass of water and a box of Nurofen.

“Oh, my god! You look like you had the best night ever!!” she squealed.

I sat up trying to focus.

“So how was it?!” she pressed.

“Well I told my boss I loved him, called him a shithead and then I think I quit.”

She dropped the box and stared at me in horror.

“So I’m gonna have a shower, pack for home and go jump off the plane mid-flight.”

Amy sat there in shock.

With every bead of water that pelted down on my head another memory of last night emerged. But Blaze’s face was the most prominent. There were stages of shock, anger and confusion in his face. I suppose me quitting, saved him from having to fire me.

I wrapped myself up in my big fluffy white robe and started throwing some clothes in a bag. Amy had left for work and my phone battery was dead. So I had at least a couple of hours to myself with no reminders of last night - bar the thumping headache. After about two hours I was packed and ready to leave. Sitting on the edge of my bed I hesitated before turning on my phone, which was now fully charged and ready to scold.

I sat, waiting for the messages to pour in. The first one was from Will. As was the second and third. I had missed call from Caz and a voice message from Amy telling me she was leaving for work and to have a great time back home in Ireland. Just as I threw it in my bag, I felt another small vibration.

>>Message<<

From: Blaze Stone

Time: 00:41

“Jo, just let me know that you got home safe. Thanks, Blaze”

I ignored it and threw it back in my bag. The train ride was excruciating, every bump echoed behind my eyes. After heading through airport security I rang my mum and headed straight to the bar. I felt immediately better after a pint.  I finally decided to respond to Will and Caz.

I explained everything that happened and promised to talk about it in depth when I got back. But right now I was conveniently, boarding the plane. Just before I switched off the phone I got a reply from Caz.

>>Message<<

“What’s your flight number??”

I wanted to ask why but I was already being eyed by Julian the “colourful” flight attendant so I quickly replied with the number and turned off the phone. She probably wants to keep track of the flight, or make sure I don’t suddenly hop on a plane to Mexico instead - disowning everyone and every mistake.

During the flight I failed to think about anything else other than last night. 

Why did he have me picked up if he knew she was going? Why didn’t he warn me? 

I pulled on my headphones determined to forget about it until I returned next week. I’ll just try to enjoy the wedding.